What Happens When a Bookworm Is Unable to Read Books (Terrible things, I assure you)

Terrible things happen when you take a bookworm away from their natural habitat. We are fragile, volatile creatures. We require books to survive and frequent visits to libraries, bookstores, and quiet, secluded rooms with comfy chairs to sustain us.

If we are denied these, the consequences can be dire.

Apparently whoever decided going to college was such a JOLLY GOOD IDEA did not fully consider this (that person… may or may not have been me…). It’s only the first week back to school, but my professors are giving out generous ‘welcome back’ gifts consisting of 30 page essays to read with type so small you need a magnifying glass to read it. So lately the majority of my time has been spent: going to classes, hiding from people I sort of know when I see them in the cafeteria (because do I say hi, or do they even know who I am? If I ignore them, is that rude? How do you do this???), doing homework, and crying bitter tears. The fact is, I have been so busy I have not had time to READ.

It’s really quite appalling. I haven’t read a dear, sweet, murderous piece of fiction in EONS. Well… a week to be exact. An ENTIRE WEEK. That’s how long it has been since I finished the last book I read. And I don’t know how to keep living. Someone please help.

In case you are a bookworm considering leaving your dungeon library for such an extended period of time, I would like to warn you of some of the dreadful things you may experience should you choose to do so.

1. An Agitated Sort of Restlessness

You may find yourself growing increasingly restless. There is sort of anxiety that takes hold of you when you do not have a book to pick up and resume reading at any given time. You are not on any journey, solving any mystery, or fighting any villain. You are simply living in your own life. Dreadful business.

2. A Feeling of Loss

It is almost like losing a limb. Some book or other has always been there for you and you keep reaching for it, but there’s NOTHING THERE.

3. Disorientation

Books are your anchor. They keep your life steady. Now you are simply floating in the vast sea of nothingness (except real life, but does that really count? I think not.).

4. What is Reality???

You’ve never really paid it much attention before. What is all this “real” stuff? Where are the magical turtles and talking mice? Why hasn’t anyone tried to kill you? Have you even met the villain yet? Why does no one have their swords and bows? Why is no one as witty as they should be? (Especially me. When I read I sometimes think I am the characters in all their splendor and banter and wit. Then I step into reality and open my mouth and oh what a perfectly helpless little human I am.)

5. You Are Suddenly Struck Anew by How Terrifying People Are

The reason for this being that you have spent the last several decades comfortably barricaded in your room, eating toast and reading about all those wonderful, lovely characters who can be your best friends without you even having to speak to them. But now that all your best friends are stuck on your bookshelf, you become dreadfully lonely and think, perhaps you ought to have a go at talking to a real human.

A terrible, terrible idea.

6. You Become Very, Very SAD

Honestly. Books are such explosions of happiness. Even books about death and misery. Without them, you will spiral into despair.

7. Did I Mention How Terribly Lonely it is Without Your Bookish Friends?

SO, SO LONELY.

8. Existential Crisis

Who are you? Why are you here? What is life? Why should you just lie on your face on the ground for two years?

These are just a few of the questions you may find yourself asking.

A few of the questions I am asking myself.

 

I need help.

 

What about you? Do you absolutely need books, or can you leave the room without running back to hug your bookshelf? Have you ever tried not reading for an extended period of time? Did you experience similar afflictions? How does one navigate reality and live to tell of it?

 

 

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