As everyone knows, there are 3 things that really matter in life: books, writing, cheesecake, and theatre. (Math does not matter)
Today the focus is obviously on theatre and, more specifically, that delightful species theatricus nerdius.
If you would like to know if you are one of these strange and wonderful creatures (or if you are trying to figure out what on earth is wrong with your friends), here are 10 Signs That You are a Theatre Nerd.
1. You have a library of Broadway Cast Recordings
Now it’s true, any normal human being might have a Broadway soundtrack or two. Perhaps they own the soundtrack of Hamilton or Phantom of the Opera. But if you have an entire library, ranging from Into the Woods to Dear Evan Hansen to Jane Eyre, you might be a bit of a nerd. And if you own the Original Broadway Cast recording of Les Miserables and the Symphonic recording, you may be a little obsessed.
2. You memorize the lyrics to entire shows
Normal human: “I learned this new song!”
Theatre Nerd: “I learned this new… show.”
3. You are on a first name basis with musicals
You talk about musicals like they are your friends. You’re not going to say their whole name every time you talk about them. Hence: “I was listening to Phantom the other day…” or “The Les Mis finale is so beautiful I am going to die.”
4. Musical Jokes
Why are they so FUNNY?
5. Dancing is the only form of physical movement you participate in of your own freewill
Sports? No. Running? Noooo. I just want to sit here and-
*someone turns on “King of New York”*
“CHECK OUT MY NONEXISTENT TAP DANCING SKILLS!”
6. You can spell words in French
Well… a word. There may be a lot of words in English you don’t know how to spell, but you can spell “miserable” in French. Enjolras would be proud.
7. You will spend your whole life savings for a ticket
Yes, I’ve been saving up my money for 82 years. I’m preparing for my future and-
THAT TOURING SHOW IS COMING WITHIN 100 MILES OF HERE?!?!
*buys most expensive ticket*
8. Every other word is a trigger word for singing
Normal human: “How are you?”
Theatre nerd: “I’m okay. Guess I wasn’t much help yesterday. Snyder soaked me real good with my crutch-”
Normal human: “It isn’t my fault-”
Theatre nerd: “I was given THOSE beans, you persuaded me to trade away my cow FOR beans and without THOSE beans there’d have been NO stalk to get up to the giant in the FIRST place-”
Normal human: “Hey-”
Theatre nerd: “What are you waiting for? What do you stall for? We won the war, what was it all for?”
9. These pajamas freak you out
WHO DOESN’T WANT THESE PAJAMAS???
I mean- it’s Playbills… on PAJAMAS.
10. You want this crayon
Normal human: “…It’s a crayon.”
Theatre nerd: “BUT IT’S A LES MIS CRAYON.”
There you have it. I hope you have learned something about this peculiar species or, if you are one of us, I hope you are squawking with ecstasy and flailing about.
Are you a theatre nerd? Have I described your life? What other signs are there? If you are not a theatre nerd, what do you think about the sanity of your theatre nerd friends? Let me know in the comments!